Between sex and death

For the second time in a few months there is news of another woman dying while having sexual intercourse. This got me rather curious because prior to reading about these two cases I only heard of men dying during sex as a result of heart failures.

First was the case of Adiza Ibrahim, 25, a nursing mother who reportedly collapsed and died during a sexual encounter with a driver’s mate. Then only last week I read about the case of Kofi Suang, a farmer from Budukwaa near Enyan Abaasa, who is facing a provisional charge of murder when his 53-year-old girlfriend became unconscious during sex and died subsequently.

These two cases, like what happened to the chief who allegedly died on Valentine’s Day last year at a hotel and many others that have been subjects of news items, are disturbing and rather sad knowing that acts that people mutually engage in can end on such a devastating note.

There have been explanations why men die during sexual intercourse; attributed mainly to heart conditions. Not much attention has been paid to the same subject as it pertains to women, I’m afraid.

I therefore embarked on some casual discussions with some adult friends and the kinds of explanations I heard for this situation, I must concede, sounded rather scary for women. Since those were no medical professionals I do not intend to reproduce the explanations.

My concern though is for some education as to what causes women to die during sexual acts and what can be done to prevent such ‘preventable’ deaths.

Amy Tuteur, a gynecologist, in a piece written for Cosmo Magazine disclosed that orgasms could kill women. "Anyone who has an abnormal blood vessel in the brain is at risk for bleeding into the brain if the blood pressure rises, and sex can cause a temporary rise in blood pressure. For those with heart problems, sexual activity can lead to a heart attack”, she writes.

The risk, she notes, is even higher for those with heart problems “who are cheating on a spouse because the risk of a heart attack appears to be even higher. It must be the added effect of guilt on the blood pressure."

In a Joy FM news interview report on the subject, Dr Alfred Doku, a medical doctor at the Korle-Bu Cardiothoracic Centre advised people to take stress tests before engaging in active sex. As to the feasibility of this practice for two people whose passion could reach insatiable levels within seconds of touching a button, this advise is as good as being ‘dead on arrival’.

As he pointed out with women, the difficulty with seeing any danger signals is exacerbated by the fact that they tend to be passive partners in the sexual encounter and so picking cues of impending danger does not even come into the picture.

My concern is, if attaining orgasm can complicate any underlying conditions and even result in death why do all the marriage counselors on our television and radio stations harp on women aiming at the ultimate of attaining orgasms without as much as a hint of the risk?

The health website, www.health.com notes that unlike men, the relationship between cardiovascular disease (CVD) and sexual dysfunction in women is less clear although “sexual dissatisfaction in women has been linked to peripheral arterial disease, the mechanisms of female sexual function are thought to be less intertwined with the cardiovascular system”.

It even goes to the extent of suggesting that if you come from a family where people have cardiovascular disease you should begin to ask your doctor what type of sexual activity is safe for you to engage in. “And if you have heart failure, your doctor may recommend that you avoid lying on your back during sex, because fluid is more likely to pool in your lungs in that position”.

There are so many confusing pieces of information out there and I think it is important that all the marriage counselors and sex therapists that spend time on television and radio advising people about all manner of things, including how many times they should be engaging in sexual activity, should begin to address such issues to avoid needless deaths.

I cannot fathom anyone deciding to engage in sexual activity because they want to die. Our health experts must begin to help the population address some of these issues because the untimely deaths not only create panic but also embarrass surviving partners. In closely-knit communities, such as rural settings, the situation could be so bad one is sure to be stigmatized and suffer a psychological trauma.

I hope that some professionals will take up this issue and begin to educate Ghanaians on this all important issue. We do not need more sex deaths.

A Ghanaian Gentlemen's Club?

It’s Sunday morning and in line with my daily routine, I am checking up the news on the Joy FM’s website and BOOM, I’m hit with a headline about a Ghanaian Gentlemen’s Club making a donation to the Winneba municipal hospital.

Good thing to know there are still some kind souls out there but as to why the club, based in New York City, chose this as their name baffles me. Gentlemen’s Club?

When I first saw a Gentlemen’s Club in my JJC days I was excited, because like the curious person I am, I quickly inquired to know what it was all about. Truth be told, my thinking was that it was a place for grooming men to become gentlemen- the fairy tale type that all women dream about- thick, tall, smooth skin, toothpaste smile, manicured nails, clean shaven plus of course the ‘dough’. Wouldn’t have been a bad place to hang out at all, or? Wrong! I had the crudest shock of my life when I was told that gentlemen’s clubs in the United States were euphemisms for strip clubs.

I had heard about strip joints in news items and read about them in magazines, but I never thought it was a viable venture anywhere in the world. Men would basically drive to these clubs, buy drinks, and watch some 12-inch waist, in a G-s and what my father still calls ‘bodies’—but not the full one. Rather they use something called ‘pasties’, and with that the stripper wriggles her waist at a bunch of excited and alcohol-loaded men who keep cheering and making catcalls which contrary to its definition smacks of approval rather than disapproval.

In the US it is described as a five-billion-dollar industry that contributes to over a fifth of the gross revenue in the adult entertainment industry. Services provided at these clubs include erotic strip dances or lap dances where the dancer can come, sit on a man’s lap, and ‘shake it off’ to the glee of others. The dancers make lots of money too.

There are basically two types of strip clubs: topless and fully nude. I am sure these are self explanatory. For some of the fully nude, they are covered by ‘no touch’ legislation which means the only one of the senses that you can put to use is that of sight.

I have never stopped questioning why anyone would want to tease themselves needlessly, but I am always told in response that this country is so stressful that anything that will relieve people of their stress is highly welcome and so strip clubs or gentlemen’s clubs have come to stay.

Aha, and that reminds me. Is it true there is one such club in Accra? Hmmm if it is true, God save us! My concern about this group that made the donation is why they chose to bear the name of a ‘Ghanaian Gentlemen Club’ coming from New York City which is known as having the largest number of such clubs. Is that the same name the group uses in New York?

I hope it is not a case of ‘sua tra’ (over copying) which most of us suffer from once we travel abroad and return home and become more Catholic than the Pope. If that were the case, I will not be surprised if we hear that someone has started an ‘Ashley Madison’ type of agency in Ghana where married people who decide to have a one-night stand can go and find another married person, have sex for the night, and go back to their marital homes. Then you can feel cool about it knowing that ‘Life is short, have an affair’ as is Ashley Madison’s slogan.

Growing up, I have come to believe strongly that there is so much power in a name and whatever name one chooses to live with has an overwhelming spiritual effect on that person. I want to believe that this group that made the donation to the Winneba hospital is made up of good-spirited people with every sense of responsibility to their country and their people. My question to them, however, is: how will people react to your association’s name in New York City?

Maybe, you are only living out your nature as gentlemen but you need to think about how you want to portray that identity in a name. There is a lot of wisdom in tradition imbuing in us a sense of decency, morality, and dignity.

Some people choose to swallow hook, line, and sinker anything that emanates from the white man’s land, but as a people we need to ask ourselves at what cost we decide to trade our traditional virtues for Uncle Sam’s bucks.

At what cost? At what cost? At what cost again, I ask, are we willing to trade dignity, respect, and human values for pittance. A good name, indeed, is better than great riches (Prov. 22: 1); let him who has ears and decides to listen, so listen.

Mad Cow, Bird Flu, Swine Flu…what next?

If you have ever suffered a common flu or what in ‘less-distinguished’ Ghanaian parlance is referred to as catarrh, you would know that it is not a pleasant experience, more so if it comes in that fever-like style.

That kind of flu is rather common in the States, particularly, at the onset of the winter where flu vaccines abound and students are encouraged to go get a shot at a subsidized cost of 25 bucks.

Many people rush to take shots and still some are unfortunate to catch the flu, except that as I am told, they do not suffer it as badly as those who never take the shot. Once when I almost caught one, I subjected myself to a full day’s gulping of my home-made warm drink of lemon juice, honey, and ginger. By the next day I was back to my feet and my colleagues at work marveled at the African wonder which some of them immediately added to their medical need-to-dos.

I am not surprised that Americans have taken their Vice President Joe Biden to task for suggesting that people avoid clustered areas like airports and subways to avoid a further spread of the swine flu which has since been labeled ‘Novel Flu’ in Europe and the ‘H1N1 Influenza Strain’ in the United States to save the pork industry. The industry is suffering huge losses due to the label and a ban on pork products by many countries, as a result.

"If you're out in the middle of a field and someone sneezes, that's one thing but if you're in a closed aircraft or closed container or closed car or closed classroom, it's a different thing”, is all it took from the Vice President to incur the wrath of Americans.

It is understandable why people will be angry at Mr. Biden’s advice that people avoid confined areas - if for nothing at all I am convinced that whoever introduced basic hygienic practices is not American. I have never stopped questioning who brought about the idea of giving us lessons in ‘Courtesy for Boys and Girls’ and teaching us to cover our mouths when we sneezed or not to spit in open places.

Some Americans are awful when it comes to maintaining hygienic practices. There is nothing like covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough and it does not matter how dramatic the sneeze is and whether it is in the classroom, on the bus, or in confined spaces. One is constantly subjected to sneezes and yawning and copious dozes of sputum as people dispose of mucus and saliva irrespective of where they find themselves.

And this is just the public-place habits that one sees all too often. The least said about some of the things that go on indoors the better.

This is not to say that Ghanaians are any better. But for a country whose citizens can hardly think of simple remedies for common ailments, it becomes difficult to understand why measures are not taken to avoid situations and conditions which can quickly degenerate into pandemics and lead to the possible loss of lives.

For now Biden is taking a lot of flak for his advice but very soon I am sure people will begin to appreciate why he is not being as irresponsible as he is being made to look. Until some basic hygienic lessons are learned it will always be difficult to contain the spread of flu.

In a swift move to save the airline industry, authorities have moved to explain how air circulates in aircrafts and how that makes it difficult for a lot of people to inhale what others exhale when they sneeze. The explanation, however, confirmed that even with the air circulation system people sharing the same seat line cannot escape possibly catching a flu if an infected passenger on that line sneezes.

While it is hoped that the Centers for Disease Control and its allied agencies will move to contain the spread of the flu, some have resorted to taking precautionary measures some of which I find ridiculous but in no way surprising - that is the American way of doing things.

Now people traveling to Texas (which shares a border with Mexico) in particular are being asked to stay home for a number of days before they go out just so the three-day incubation period of the virus will elapse before a determination is made about whether one has caught the flu or not. Others are advocating no handshakes. Most ridiculous of all is the advice that people should cook their own food. The definition of cooking in America is quite interesting but that will be tackled in another piece.

Suddenly everyone is being advised to cover their noses and mouths with a disposable tissue when they cough or sneeze or use the crook of their elbows to cover their mouths to keep germs from flying around.

Old habits, they say, die hard, and it is difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. Well maybe in a matter of life and death, as this flu is described, it may be easy to teach an old dog some new tricks. Who knows, maybe by the time the ‘domedos’ are dealt with we may begin to see some better hygienic public practices and we will not be afraid to be in confined places.

‘All The President’s Men’

Communications is a difficult portfolio for anyone who carries the burden of managing the image of high profile personalities and corporate entities. Everybody can talk and be heard but not everybody can communicate. That is why people are specially trained to deal with this area.

Unfortunately many people reckon someone with a good flow of English language or a high academic degree as being naturally gifted at communicating. Communication is an art that is learned and can be mastered through constant application and polishing.

Since the NDC government came into office I have been watching rather keenly the performance of its communication team. I call it a team because that is what I expect it to be, anything less is not even worth my effort.

There are many aspects to communicating in any human setting and depending on who the main actor is these aspects may play out differently. Basic to the art of communication though is the issue of appropriate language use.

I do not consider myself a communications expert, although I aspire to become one soon, but I know for a fact that even traditionally the demonstration of appropriate language use could qualify a person to be branded a ‘nyansani’ (wise person) or a ‘sansani’ (useless person), at least per my best interpretation of the Twi dialect.

Once you are branded a ‘sansani’, believe me no matter how well your intentions nobody will ever deem you serious enough to give you their ears.

I have followed recent developments from one arm of the President’s communications team with respect to how Koku Anyidoho handled a personal opinion piece written by a colleague, Ato Kwamena Dadzie and immediately following that another concern raised by an honourable member of parliament, Dominic Nitiwul. I will come back to these specifics after I make a few points.

Although there is not one right way to communicate it is important for the President’s communicators to take note of three important variables of every communication endeavour: amount of information, recipients of information at any given time and the vocabulary set being used.

Amount of Information: There is nothing more embarrassing than giving out scanty or more-than-necessary information and suffering a backlash. This is more likely to happen when communicators fail to prepare before speaking. For instance, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for time to organize your thoughts before granting an interview. The temptation to just talk, talk, talk is even more luring for political office communicators when out of sudden increase of ‘political adrenalin’ a communicator dishes out a copious dose of nonsense only to stir the hornets nest. The next thing then is an avoidable apology which does very little to take away words that have already fallen out of the mouth.

Recipients of Information: It is important to note that at any particular time the response to a concern raised by one person is addressed to all Ghanaians. When people turn on their radio stations or television sets or read newspapers, they take information coming from the seat of government as addressed to them directly. This is irrespective of who raises that concern. There are those who will support the issue at stake and there are those who will not but invariably both groups of people will take the information coming from government and manipulate it to suit their view points. If our communicators will take note of this fact then they can begin to craft their responses with more finesse and devoid of verbal high blood pressure triggers.

Vocabulary set being used: Words are powerful, they can build or tear down and so can they make you wise or foolish. Silence is sometimes very golden and contrary to the opinion held by some people that silence can never be a bedfellow of politics, I beg to disagree. As a communicator it is your ability to discern issues that deserve your response and those that should be left untouched that makes you a true communicator. Islam has a lot of wise sayings one of which I picked for this piece.

I am not sure if it is in the Quran or not but it says that “the tongue is like beast; if it is let loose, it would devour”. From experience I can attest that silence does speak loudest in certain situations. If, as a communicator, you are not in the mood to present something tasteful it is better to keep quiet. I do not mean that everything that you say should be to please people. You can make someone feel extremely stupid without using the word stupid.

Back to my two test cases that Koku Anyidoho handled. First of all let me again state that I am no communications expert, neither can I compare my modest academic or professional gains in any way to Koku Anyidoho’s and to that I doff my hat off for his credentials. However, it beats my understanding how he ended up with the way he handled these test cases.

Ato Kwamena Dadzie: He wrote a piece expressing his personal opinion in extremely strong terms. Anyone who has been reading Ato’s blog knows by now that he is a “huhuhuhu nnye me hu” person. Ato writes whatever is on his mind irrespective of who his ink stains in the process. I read that piece and thought that Ato had been uncharitable in his choice of words describing your “bruised ego” and how you “rave and rant”. Hmmm that was tough and I was hoping that you were going to help me prove Ato wrong.

Unfortunately Koku your response to a personal opinion and your allusion to Kweku Ananse domiciling in Ato’s head was for me a bonus point for Ato. You proved me wrong and proved Ato right. I bet you this is not the worse experience for you yet, there are others out there just calculating their steps ready to take their strides. My question is if you cannot deal with such opinions then you better gird your loins. I do not hold it against you though. I am in Lent and have fallen in love with forgiveness which I am all too willing to share with you.

Hon. Dominic Nitiwul: When I read the statement he made about my President and his visual problem I got angry because I hate it when some people begin to play God and set out to number the days of their fellow men. However listening to the MP explain himself on Adom FM I felt that he asked a rather harmless question and if that interview is anything to go by he did not seem to have done so out of malice. In fact I think that he only said what people were muttering following the exposure of the font size of the President’s Independence Day speech.

Moments after the celebration I heard here in the United States how big the font sizes were and I wondered how people who watched the programme only on TV saw how the print looked. So Koku instead of asking the member to declare his mental status, you did not even question why a cameraman decided to zoom in on the printed text. In any case the font was big, true or false? If it was you could simply have responded referring to the President’s own disclosure during the campaign period and made the MP feel bad in the process without employing the language you used which drew my attention to the story even before I saw the MP’s version.

These are my personal thoughts for Koku and I do so in good faith. As the director of communications at the presidency you need to begin to see yourself as a role model. It is important to look at yourself and see where your weaknesses are when it comes to media management. Fortunately you have a big team making up the entire government communication apparatus. With the expertise that you possess it will not be a bad thing to form use the team comprising yourself, Mahama Ayariga, the Information Minister and her two deputies (whenever they join the team) to the government’s advantage.

Subsequently you can identify one or two people in the team who can manage the media better. For now I have a feeling that your rating has dipped but it is not too late to reverse it in your favour. It all depends on how beneficial you find the words of Sam Levenson, an American who among other professions was a journalist, that “it's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it”.

Your journey beyond Kotoka could be ‘smooooooth’ or…

Once abroad-bound travelers are done with unpredictable, often discomforting visa interviewing processes in Ghana, they look forward to stress-free departure formalities out of the motherland. The anxiety associated with going through a visa interview is enough for a life time; no wonder once that hurdle is cleared, prospective travelers cannot help but look forward to finalizing any processes at the immigration desk at the Kotoka International Airport (KIA).


The immigration processes at KIA are less complex and one can easily sail through. The story is however different at popular airport destinations such as the Heathrow Airport or any of the major airports in the United States.

I remember a personal experience at Heathrow where I was subjected to a bout of interview. Most of the questions I was expected to answer were the same ones I answered during the visa interview. I suppose all they sought to do was to ascertain if my answers were consistent. Initially I did not understand why I had to go through such questioning until I was later told that flying in an airplane and landing at your destination airport were no guarantee that one would go beyond the security gates.

A program by MSNBC television, here in the United States, which was posted on a website of Ghanaian orientation, depicted how people who were probably frequent visitors to the United States suddenly realized they could no longer go beyond the security post. Aside being ‘transported’ back home mainly for illegally working in the country, they also carried a five-year ban from this country. In that program a Ghanaian was not allowed beyond the security post because he had failed to answer questions put to him satisfactorily.

During questioning he indicated that he was a businessman who had gone to Ghana to sell two cars that he had shipped there from the US. Unfortunately the purchase price he quoted for one of the cars was all it took to flash the warning lights. When his luggage was searched, a green card was found but as soon as the security officer took the card in his hand he knew that there were more questions to be answered. At that point my countryman had no option but to admit that he paid 150 dollars for it but tried to convince the security officer that he had not used it for the one-and-a-half years that he had the card.

One thing that travelers must know is that honesty is everything to security officials at these airports. If they get the slightest indication that you are taking them on a ‘toli expedition’, too bad, you will not go beyond their post. If you are lucky you get to spend only a few hours in detention before you get a free plane ride back to Kotoka, (or wherever your unfortunate self may have emerged from).

In answering questions what these security personnel look out for are not just right answers but facial expressions, the clarity of your voice, and how readily or hesitantly you provide answers. Sometimes you may face a genuine problem but your composure will earn you every support that you need from the security. I once purchased a gift for a friend and because I had already packed my main luggage, I slipped it into my hand luggage. It was a nicely packaged cork screw and can opener.

Once I passed my hand luggage through the security scanner the red light started flashing and I was pulled aside. I got confused as two women called me aside and started questioning me. They asked a number of times if I packed my own bag and after I answered in the affirmative, other questions followed: any gifts; any package from a friend or family person... I still did not figure out that my ‘harmless’ gift was the reason for my sudden rise to ‘security risk status’.

After the first search, they found nothing; later, another officer joined with a hand electronic scanner and after sweeping it through my bag we then realized that my admirable gift could not make it to Ghana. They all burst out laughing when they saw my ‘arsenal of mass destruction’ and apologized for the embarrassment. I was not embarrassed except that I had lost 12 Euros to the airport trash bin.

I have shared this experience to show that the security personnel at the airport are not a bunch of lions waiting to pounce on travelers. They are helpful, realistic human beings working to get paid but you can only experience this aspect of their nature if you deal with them honestly. If you choose to tell a lie then just ensure that all your lies add up especially as questions could emanate from an unexpected angle.

It is psychologically devastating to go through all the necessary preparations and arrive at your destination airport only to be deported back home and banned from a country for another five years. Whatever it is just remember that there is another encounter beyond KIA’s immigration desk which could be grueling but which nonetheless could be rewarding if you remember that honesty is everything, at least to any person but more so to American security officials.

My green-card wife

Boredom has its own reward, one of which has been my uncovering a host of online radio stations with Ghanaian coloration that I can always listen to at the click of a button. My appreciation for new technologies such as internet radio has even been heightened by my ability to have three or four radio stations playing at the same time. It’s just my own way of making a decision as to which one should be my companion for any given period.

It was during one of such ‘accompaniments’ that I heard a young lady asking for prayers for her husband who had traveled abroad, but was no longer picking her calls. She noted that even when her husband picked her calls, he sometimes did so with questionable speed and not-too-romantic whispers.

“Pastor, I suspect that he is married to someone. He is cheating on me, I can’t believe it”, she cried ‘spiritually’. As I lay in bed sympathizing with her, I wished I could just tell her, “Yes, he is married so better believe it”.

While I appreciate the concerns of the woman I am not sure I can blame the man either. When our men leave our shores for greener pastures, we are excited and are quick to broadcast to the whole world how our husbands or partners have traveled overseas and how we expect to reap the benefits of a good life soon.

I believe that these men have good intentions when they leave home. I know there are some crooked ones who will put up a lot of pretence only to get away from any responsibilities at home. In general though I believe that our men have good plans and take genuine decisions to come and seek better lives only to be faced with the reality of the situation which drives them to adopt lifestyles they never intended.

For instance, if a man comes to the United States and soon realizes that he cannot work unless he has some form of valid documentation, he has to take some hard but smart decisions as to whether to use fake documentation or marry a citizen and then take advantage of the marital benefits to become a citizen. That way, he can at least legally stay and work here. Normally, such marriages last only for as long as documents remain with immigration officials. Once they are approved and they go through the final step of getting the green card, the divorce proceedings begin.

Described as “sham marriages” in America, participants do not pretend that this is an easy task. Believe it or not it takes a lot of emotional strength for one to go through such processes knowing how risky it is and the implications thereof, if the underlying intentions are uncovered. Since this is a common practice among African immigrants, officials are always wide-eyed in dealing with marriage cases involving Africans.

In a typical green-card marriage, the couple will have to live together for a number of years and then attend an interview to answer questions from immigration officials based on which a decision is taken. If you choose to live apart you must still work out the arrangement in a way that will enable you learn enough about each other for the interview. This is because the interviews could be conducted separately and both of you would be required to provide the same answers to questions such as where your toothbrushes, towels or underwears are kept, the size of your bed, the last date of your wife’s menstrual period, the kind of birth control and brands you both use, favorite sex positions and other very private questions that are extremely challenging to answer, if you’ve simply read some notes from a book.

Before coming to this point, one has to decide whether to pay for such services or pretend to have fallen in love and marry for such services. The marriage appears to be the cheaper option for most men. If you decide to go with the ‘pay-for-nkrataa’ option then be prepared to cough anything between 3,000 and 6,000 dollars in most cases plus or minus other ancillary services. These services could range from agreeing to spend nights (and all that comes with it) with your benefactor, spend money to satisfy their shopping appetite, and other services that are strictly determined by the citizen.

When a man has packed bag and baggage to come and sweat it out to make life better for himself and his family back home and is faced with such a dilemma, the last thing they can take is when they call home and are met with a barrage of questions and a litany of accusations from a wife.

These are legitimate concerns and I would probably do the same but it takes an opportunity to travel to appreciate some of these situations. While I do not pretend that it is going to be easy on any woman to know that her husband or fiancé is warming the bed of another woman in this land, you would have to appreciate that they are going through some emotional torture themselves and for them it is even worse because guilt is rebuking them from all sides. No matter all the things that we are wont to say about men, I believe in my rather young life that men have consciences and sometimes very strong ones.

Unfortunately, experiences will in no time drum home the fact that in ‘abrokyire’ the commandments handed down to Moses are not ten but nine, it is for readers to figure out which one is left out.

Some of life’s experiences are too complicated to comprehend and that is why it will always be difficult to understand how an African friend who rose to head a theological seminary came to this country, ‘forgot’ about his marriage of silver, and gold anniversaries and settled down with an all-too-willing dame for green card purposes. Unfortunately in the process another family was started.

Although I will not, in any way, attempt to sanction any adulterous engagements by married men, it is important that our women particularly appreciate that these are the circumstances that our men face when they travel abroad. Note that when you sanction any such moves and feel too glad to let the whole village know that very soon you will be receiving some Uncle Sam bucks, you should know what your husband is likely to face.

I know it may be the same for men whose wives or fiancées also make such moves, but I am harping on the case of women because, as a woman, I know how easy it is for us to suddenly ascend the judgment throne and start pronouncing judgment on a man who has nothing but good intentions which unfortunately go wrong because of unanticipated developments.

To the lady who called that radio station asking for prayers, my advice is: that talk will serve no purpose; if you have any energy pray to God that your partner will sail through what could be a rather sticky situation and return to you unscathed.

To those men who decide that for some reasons they will play the home-and-abroad game, they are not the target of this piece. It is for those who put up with the moral guilt and emotional pain, defying all odds and nightmares of immigration officials closing in on them while going through green-card marriages for the ultimate purpose of getting to stay and work legally abroad to make life better for their families. I truly sympathize with you.

Imported Dollar funerals

The debate about funerals and the general cost involved in burying the dead has raged for a long time and even now with calls for a national funeral conference to discuss the high costs of funerals. I remember a recent news item that suggested that we must consider adopting the Islamic funeral style. Personally I do not see any sense in spending so much money to bury the dead when there are people who could be assisted to honour the memory of the dead, but thankfully that is just my opinion.

I remember attending a funeral some years ago. Then, and I suppose is still the practice, everything was custom-made; from cloth, bottled water embossed with the picture and information about the dead person, food packs and booze, booze, booze. I am told that this is a dignified way of parting with our loved ones. I agree but I also believe there is something called “common sense dignity”.

An African-American professor who plans to resettle in Ghana tells me of the many reasons she has for wanting to enjoy her retirement in the beloved land; she is hoping that when she dies she will be buried with dignity as we do in Ghana. The fact that we could not agree on the definition of dignity shows how subjective it is depending on who does the defining.


Interestingly these elaborate funerals are not limited to the borders of Ghana but have found their way into the United States. It is gradually becoming an unwritten code that when a close family member dies in Ghana and after the funeral is held, close relatives here in the United States have to organize the dollar version. The reason for such duplication is not far fetched. Sometimes these dollar funerals are held ahead of the one in Ghana and any monetary donations raised are then used to organize a ‘mammoth’ funeral in Ghana. Other times too Ghana goes first and the dollar version follows to help defray any costs incurred.

I attended one such funeral in one of the states not because I knew the deceased or other family members but as is the practice, such events are socialization opportunities for the Ghanaian community. It was a good occasion to see what the latest cloth brands and styles in Ghana were as the ladies showed up to conduct a silent ‘who is who’ competition.

For the men such gatherings are also the places to showcase how progressive one is in life. Cars bought (on credit?) are paraded and it is amusing to see the confidence with which such proud owners step out of their cars and take carefully calculated steps with their heels barely touching the soil that has been so good to their ego. This is spiced up with the equally proud-looking facial expressions that can only cause a ‘kwatrikwa’ to immediately embark on a journey to look for which family member has spiritually capped him in a bottle and is impeding his success and taste for all the good things in life.

The dollar chiefs were in full attendance with their retinue. Carrying an air of the proud chieftaincy culture, they walked into the funeral grounds welcomed by appellations and wide applause. For them these occasions may be the only opportunity to salvage their otherwise “deglorified” social status, thanks to the search for the dollar. What else is to be expected when a chief and his subordinates have to clean or work as security guards to make some money? Getting to be called Nana is reassuring for the chief because at least in his house he is a still a Mensah.

After all the introductory rites were done, the booze started flowing and with the accompanying music the fully-imported funeral reached a climax and at this point I realized the possibility of importing Ghana to America.

As I have already indicated, dollar funerals for some people may be a perfect definition of what they see as a dignified send-off for a loved one and I do not bear any grudges. What I have a problem with though is the slow but steady institutionalization of such a practice within the Ghanaian communities in the United States.

It is as though one funeral celebration is no longer enough for the dead.

Gradually it is becoming the norm that anyone who buries a family member in Ghana is expected to come and playback the event here. Meanwhile, it is not everyone who is fortunate enough to inspire people to willingly give off a percentage of their accumulated hourly pay. They end up running into more debts and top it up with increased stress levels of how to settle down financially and move on with their lives.

For now Ghanaian communities appear to enjoy the imported dollar funerals and just as the never-ending debate of made-in-Ghana funerals continue, I am sure this practice will continue for as long as I am not privileged enough to take decisions for people as to what to do with their hard-earned dollar.